Cover Letter Angst

[fossa]

You'd think somewhere on the internet, someone would have a good (or even a bad one would help) example of a cover letter to a Crime Scene Cleaning company.  No experience required..it sounds so simple.  But how do you tie in your experience working at a fast-food resturant, and a one year art program in college, into cleaning up decomposing bodies and meth labs?  How do you sound enthusiastic about the opportunity to work for them, without coming off as creepy, since even the CEO of the company says they have the worst job in the world? 
How in the heck do you come off as mature, responsible, and able to deal with emotionally stressed victems of crime, without sounding glib towards the whole thing? 

Gahh...an hour of writing, and all I have is this; 
"As you can see from my attached resume, I have worked in the fast-food industry. As such, this has given me ample experience working in teams, handling emotional people and cleaning up garbage, waste, human bodily fluids and rodent remains."

Maybe in another hour, I'll almost have a paragraph.